2 years have passed...

I'm sitting here contemplating where the past 2 years have gone.  It was two years ago tonight that I pushed that call button to the nurses around 11pm because I could not get comfortable.  I started to have a panic attack because I knew something wasn't right. I was quickly transferred from Mother and Baby to Labor and Delivery.   Even morphine couldn't kill the pain I felt in my chest, it localized it but it was still there.  I laid there dozing in and out of sleep, constantly having my blood pressure taken until about 8:30-9:00.  My nurse came in with the OB on call and said that it was possible it was my gall bladder and that my fetal specialist was being consulted.  About 5 minutes after they sent a text message to her they came back in and told me I was having a c-section at 10:30.

Mind you I was still pretty doped up on morphine at this point.  I was basically thinking make the pain stop, I don't care what it takes.  Poor Alex got maybe 2 hours of sleep and had to call our mothers and whomever else I told him to call before it was time to prep me.  The anesthesiologist came in and he explained to me what was going to happen.  I had to sign paperwork thankfully Alex was still there so I didn't sign anything I shouldn't.  I got prepped for surgery and I got wheeled into the OR.

The worst part....waiting for 40 minutes to get my stupid catheter inserted...Alex was getting worried at this point because he thought he would be in the room with me.  Finally it was time for our little girl to come.  I remember hearing her cry for the first time, but I started getting antsy as they were sewing me up because I knew the pain meds were going to wear off.  So I was put under...of course just as I fell asleep they showed us our daughter.  So I didn't get to see her.  The next thing I knew I was on the other side of the room and Alex was meeting our family in the waiting room.  I was then brought back to my room and I got to see Alex.
Then came the long 28 hour wait to see my daughter.  I was put on magnesium which meant I had to stay confined to my bed.  I had several visitors that day, my parents, sister, Alex's aunt and my pastor came to see me.

I just sometimes feel like it was yesterday, but it really was 2 years ago....

Anastasia at 2 hours old

Anastasia last month

Hard Decisions....

2 years ago Sunday I was admitted to Vassar Brothers hospital with slightly elevated blood pressure.  Here's the kicker, I felt absolutely fine.  In fact I was very adamant with my OB and honestly didn't want to go there at all.  

I had been on bed rest since 3/28/12.  I had to do a 24 hour urine analysis, which if you don't know what that is, you collect your pee and put it in a container that resembles a gas can.  When I went back to the Vassar Care Clinic (now Hudson River health) my liver enzymes were elevated and after consulting with my fetal specialist (that is another story all together) my OB told me I was to go the Vassar and stay the weekend, no ifs ands or buts about it.  

How frustrating.  I felt FINE!!!  In fact the weekend before I competed with my chorus in Philly!  So of course grumbling and frustrated I went to the hospital.  I got to sit in maternity's triage for probably a half hour.  My blood pressure was taken (again) as well as having a blood panel.  I remember being asked if I was having a boy did I want him circumsized.  I basically went I am having a girl, I have had 3 ultrasounds telling me so including the 3D one.  Then I was admitted to my room (one of many during my 8 day stay).  

One of the scary things was that my husband wasn't with me.  Alex was working at a different store and was in New Paltz.  When he got off of work he sped to the hospital to stay with me.  The next day we actually talked about what we should do if it came down to a decision between me and the baby.  That was probably the hardest decision we have ever had to made hands down.  I will not tell you what we decided because now it doesn't matter.  

As that day dragged on, Anastasia decided to hide from the fetal monitor for a few minutes, which caused my OB to move me to labor and delivery.  My first move of many that week.  The rest of that day I had many visitors.  Friends of ours came in and out, my family visited for a while.  I will never forget how good everyone made me feel.  

The next day was Palm Sunday again visitors galore.  My Chorus director and Team Coordinator came to see me.  My sister gave me communion and also pictures from the children at my church's Sunday School.  I truly felt blessed that so many people cared about me.  The next day things started going down hill...but I'll talk more about that in another post.

I have just been dwelling on that decision we had to make, and how grateful I am that it never had to come to pass.

We call and he always hears.

For Lent I am doing a study through shereadstruth.com.  What's special about it is that every Friday its up to the ones following to write their own devotional on a passage that is given earlier in the week.  This week it was on Psalm 130.

How wonderful it is that when we call to God he is always listening.  Whether we are angry,  happy, or sad.  He knows we make mistakes which is why his forgiveness is neverending.  We only need to ask for it.

As we go through this Lenten season we must remember that God is always there to hear our prayers whether they are for us or someone else.  He is the most dependable being there is.  Trust in him, you might not get the answers you want or when you want them but they will come.

Not a Mommy post but something I felt compelled to write

I was about 8 or 9 when I first saw Ghostbusters.  My parents had taped it probably not realizing it wasn't really a kid movie.  They knew Jennifer & I always watched the cartoon so I can only assume they thought it was really close to the movie.  What they didn't realize is that in doing so they created 2 major Ghostbusters fanatics.  We memorized every line (of the network tv airing..in which they say Wally Wick not Wally Dickless), and even had our own pretend adventures with Peter, Ray, Winston & Egon.   Somewhere around this house there still might be a recording of us reciting lines while the movie was playing.  It's a wonder the VHS hasn't worn out.  For Father's day 1989 we took Dad to see Ghostbusters 2.  We were obsessed!  So you can imagine my shock when I left work Monday to my sister's text that Egon was dead.

I walked around the mall in disbelief.   I checked eonline and found nothing.  Then I checked people.com and it was the leading story.  Harold Ramis was dead.  The only reaction I wasvhad was disbelief and heartbreak.  I had the biggest crush on him when I was a kid (which now I am questioning since he apparently was only 2 years older than my parents).  I wonder if this is how all the fanatics of other celebrities felt when their favorites passed on.

Today I watched Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2 back to back (fyi if you want to watch them and don't have the DVD or bluray they are on the Esquire network tomorrow night and Friday afternoon).  I can still quote them both and they will always be my favorite.  So thankyou Harold Ramis for the great movies and for being such a huge part of my childhood.  RIP

My week in review

So a blogger that I have been following since Anastasia was in NICU started doing this a couple of weeks ago and I thought "Hey that's a good idea. Maybe I should try it."  So here I am giving you all a peek at my life this week.

This past week I learned that a 17 month old who is silent for a long time is not necessarily in trouble.  I was talking to my mom about something when I realized I hadn't heard Anastasia for a bit.  I looked in on her and saw this

She was just sitting there watching Disney Jr. So glad that it catches her attention!!!

Later that same day she decided to start stealing her Grampy's hat

She made quite the fashion statement. Thankfully she also did not fall down or trip on anything while walking with the hat covering her face!

This week I found my former Dance Studio's facebook page.  It brought back such great memories.  I was also thrilled to find out they recently celebrated being open for 50 years!  I felt nostalgic and shared this photo of me when I was 4, at my first recital in 1983

I'm hoping they are still around in a couple of years so Anastasia may have the same opportunity to dance there.

Work was crazy this week....we did an initial set of Christmas cards...yes it was the final days of Summer and there I was setting up Christmas Cards...  

I do have to say though that I was quite proud on how it turned out.  It being my first big card set up and all by myself!

Now that brings us to today.  On Wednesday my husband is celebrating his birthday.  Today in celebration he wanted to do a wine tasting.  So we headed to Whitecliff Winery and Vineyard and our friends sampled some wines.  (I was DD...but I got to eat some kick ass cheese!)

Afterward we went to Neko in New Paltz and found our favorite Sushi chef (who used to make sushi in the Neko in Wappingers, which has closed :(  )  He treated us really well!

Finally when we got home I got to make the spinich dip I have been wanting for a few days now...

I totally blame my friend Amanda for getting me addicted to it when we worked together at Borders!

So there you have it, my week in pictures.....

Why do I support the March of Dimes?

15 Million babies are born too soon each year world wide!  This is a huge number.  To think that in 2012 my  precious Anastasia was included in that number is hard to swallow.  When we discovered we were pregnant in October of 2011 I was hoping for a "normal" pregnancy, and until my 20 week sonogram it was pretty normal.  Then we discovered the 2 vessel cord, which meant we had to see a fetal specialist.  There was a good side for that, we got much better sonogram pictures and instead of dealing with the ob clinic's freezing cold gel for the ultrasound machine, I got warm gel.  Nothing really to brag about but it's the little things that made me happy.

Everything was fine until my doctor's appointment after my chorus's competition, my blood pressure was a bit raised.  I had to do a 24 hour urine analysis and have blood taken.  2 days later I was back at the doctor's and I was admitted to the hospital with slight hypertension.

April 2, 2012 things went bad, I had what I thought was heartburn and it lasted all day!  I took tums, and pepcid and nothing touched it.  Just after midnight on April 4th 2012 I could not get comfortable so I pushed the nurse call button.  They called the OB on call and she couldn't tell me what was wrong with me.  That was a long night, thankfully I was given morphine so that the pain would finally stop.  I didn't but it did lessen so I could get some rest. Later that day it was decided I would have an emergency C-section due to suffering from HELLP Syndrome, a very severe form of Preeclampsia....thus causing my baby to be born prematurely.

Without the March of Dimes and their support of the NICU at Vassar Brothers Medical Center I probably would have gone nuts for the 5 weeks that Anastasia was there.  I am so grateful for all the work they do.

I am not only walking to celebrate my daughter Anastasia, but also a boy from my church Aiden, who is also a Preemie.  He was born 6 months after Anastasia when his mother went into early labor.  Another preemie I am celebrating when I walk on Sunday is my good friend's niece Gabriella.  Her mom also suffered from preeclampsia.

So this is why I walk.

Blessings to you all

My Baby Girl is One!!!

Hard to believe it's been over a year since the trauma of Anastasia's birth.  Today we had a small party for her.  It's so strange to see how our lives have changed due to this little life.  When she launches herself at me I feel so honored that this little girl loves me unconditionally.  She is truly the most important person in my life.  I would give anything for her.  I am also very happy that my husband's mother finally got to meet her granddaughter.  I have also made peace with the fiasco that was her baptism, there of course was drama.  My husband's aunt didn't know if she would come or not...not skin off my back but for someone who constantly complains to others that she never sees Anastasia for her not to show up is an insult.  She did show up, but I did vent to my mother-in-law about her.  Then I learn that she is saying that my husband and I never allow her to see Anastasia.  :-o  Seriously????  This is honestly not the case.  Every time we make plans to meet up, we are blown off.  It's not right to lie about something like this, I am truly offended by this and it truly put a damper on Anastasia's big day for me.  I however did not tell my husband about this accusation until after the party.

Anyway the rest of the party was great, my friend Cindy made a great feast for us all.  The kids that were there had a blast and were all pooped by the time was over.  Alex and I are truly blessed with such wonderful friends

Sorry for the rant on what should have been a joyful occasion....


Blessings to you all...

Jessica