My week in review

So a blogger that I have been following since Anastasia was in NICU started doing this a couple of weeks ago and I thought "Hey that's a good idea. Maybe I should try it."  So here I am giving you all a peek at my life this week.

This past week I learned that a 17 month old who is silent for a long time is not necessarily in trouble.  I was talking to my mom about something when I realized I hadn't heard Anastasia for a bit.  I looked in on her and saw this

She was just sitting there watching Disney Jr. So glad that it catches her attention!!!

Later that same day she decided to start stealing her Grampy's hat

She made quite the fashion statement. Thankfully she also did not fall down or trip on anything while walking with the hat covering her face!

This week I found my former Dance Studio's facebook page.  It brought back such great memories.  I was also thrilled to find out they recently celebrated being open for 50 years!  I felt nostalgic and shared this photo of me when I was 4, at my first recital in 1983

I'm hoping they are still around in a couple of years so Anastasia may have the same opportunity to dance there.

Work was crazy this week....we did an initial set of Christmas cards...yes it was the final days of Summer and there I was setting up Christmas Cards...  

I do have to say though that I was quite proud on how it turned out.  It being my first big card set up and all by myself!

Now that brings us to today.  On Wednesday my husband is celebrating his birthday.  Today in celebration he wanted to do a wine tasting.  So we headed to Whitecliff Winery and Vineyard and our friends sampled some wines.  (I was DD...but I got to eat some kick ass cheese!)

Afterward we went to Neko in New Paltz and found our favorite Sushi chef (who used to make sushi in the Neko in Wappingers, which has closed :(  )  He treated us really well!

Finally when we got home I got to make the spinich dip I have been wanting for a few days now...

I totally blame my friend Amanda for getting me addicted to it when we worked together at Borders!

So there you have it, my week in pictures.....

Why do I support the March of Dimes?

15 Million babies are born too soon each year world wide!  This is a huge number.  To think that in 2012 my  precious Anastasia was included in that number is hard to swallow.  When we discovered we were pregnant in October of 2011 I was hoping for a "normal" pregnancy, and until my 20 week sonogram it was pretty normal.  Then we discovered the 2 vessel cord, which meant we had to see a fetal specialist.  There was a good side for that, we got much better sonogram pictures and instead of dealing with the ob clinic's freezing cold gel for the ultrasound machine, I got warm gel.  Nothing really to brag about but it's the little things that made me happy.

Everything was fine until my doctor's appointment after my chorus's competition, my blood pressure was a bit raised.  I had to do a 24 hour urine analysis and have blood taken.  2 days later I was back at the doctor's and I was admitted to the hospital with slight hypertension.

April 2, 2012 things went bad, I had what I thought was heartburn and it lasted all day!  I took tums, and pepcid and nothing touched it.  Just after midnight on April 4th 2012 I could not get comfortable so I pushed the nurse call button.  They called the OB on call and she couldn't tell me what was wrong with me.  That was a long night, thankfully I was given morphine so that the pain would finally stop.  I didn't but it did lessen so I could get some rest. Later that day it was decided I would have an emergency C-section due to suffering from HELLP Syndrome, a very severe form of Preeclampsia....thus causing my baby to be born prematurely.

Without the March of Dimes and their support of the NICU at Vassar Brothers Medical Center I probably would have gone nuts for the 5 weeks that Anastasia was there.  I am so grateful for all the work they do.

I am not only walking to celebrate my daughter Anastasia, but also a boy from my church Aiden, who is also a Preemie.  He was born 6 months after Anastasia when his mother went into early labor.  Another preemie I am celebrating when I walk on Sunday is my good friend's niece Gabriella.  Her mom also suffered from preeclampsia.

So this is why I walk.

Blessings to you all

My Baby Girl is One!!!

Hard to believe it's been over a year since the trauma of Anastasia's birth.  Today we had a small party for her.  It's so strange to see how our lives have changed due to this little life.  When she launches herself at me I feel so honored that this little girl loves me unconditionally.  She is truly the most important person in my life.  I would give anything for her.  I am also very happy that my husband's mother finally got to meet her granddaughter.  I have also made peace with the fiasco that was her baptism, there of course was drama.  My husband's aunt didn't know if she would come or not...not skin off my back but for someone who constantly complains to others that she never sees Anastasia for her not to show up is an insult.  She did show up, but I did vent to my mother-in-law about her.  Then I learn that she is saying that my husband and I never allow her to see Anastasia.  :-o  Seriously????  This is honestly not the case.  Every time we make plans to meet up, we are blown off.  It's not right to lie about something like this, I am truly offended by this and it truly put a damper on Anastasia's big day for me.  I however did not tell my husband about this accusation until after the party.

Anyway the rest of the party was great, my friend Cindy made a great feast for us all.  The kids that were there had a blast and were all pooped by the time was over.  Alex and I are truly blessed with such wonderful friends

Sorry for the rant on what should have been a joyful occasion....


Blessings to you all...

Jessica

So many changes, so little time

I'm sure this is a challenge for every mother out there. I started working PT at a Hallmark Gold Crown store in November and I have had very little time for myself.  I was so upset when I started.  How many milestones would I miss while working?  Well as it turns out I really didn't miss a lot.  Anastasia started crawling on my birthday, which was really special for me.  Now she is continually standing up in her crib, in her pack and play, where ever she can!

Now we are looking forward to her first birthday which will be in little over a month.  Not really sure what to do, we really can't afford much so we may just end up making a bunch of things and inviting our closest friends and family.

Any suggestions I'm open.....

That's all I got for now

Blessings to you all!

Jessica

The Thing I Wanted Most For My Child, But Do Not Have

When I first found out a year ago that I was expecting I knew one thing and one thing only, I wanted to breastfeed my child.  I know my best friend (Anastasia's Godmother), had done it for her 2 kids (and was planning to for her third), and I wanted to follow in her foot steps.  As the time got closer for Anastasia's delivery I became nervous, if I have a C-Section I won't be able to bond with my child and I won't produce milk.  At least that is apparently how it was 36 years ago when my sister was born.

So my pregnancy ended quite suddenly with the text from my specialist telling the OB on call to perform an emergency c section on me and the fear set in.  Will my milk come in, will I be able to supply my child.  Well, that apparently would not be the problem.  I have an ample supply even now 6+ months after the fact.

What then is my problem?  My child doesn't latch well.  I have pretty much given up breastfeeding because every time I try to nurse her she cries so hard that I can't take it.  So 3 times every day I hook myself up to my double pump and express anywhere from 10-16 oz a session.

I know what you're saying (because friends of mine have already said it), she's still getting the milk she needs why do you need to nurse her?  I don't know why, I guess I always felt it was a part of motherhood.  It was literally the one thing I wanted to do for my child and I can't.  Sometimes I get so upset about it that I start crying uncontrollably.

There are people that lift me up, those who tell me that so many mothers would not have the tolerance to do what I have done, but I still in some way feel incomplete.  When Anastasia cries so hard when I try to nurse her I feel rejected, and I know she doesn't mean it.  The sadness I feel consumes me at times, I can't help it.

I don't blame the nurses in NICU, they were doing what they needed to do to get her home.  For the most part blame myself for not keeping with it, for worrying about how much less I would pump out when I would nurse.

I am sorry for the vent, this is just something that has been on my mind, especially today for some reason.

Thank you all for reading...

Blessings to you All

Jessica

How do you deal with long distance relatives?

Sorry it has been so long since my last post.  Between job hunting and taking care of Anastasia it's been a crazy time!  Then suddenly Anastasia decided she didn't want to sleep through the night or in her crib!  Thankfully this week she has finally gone back to where she was.

So I'm hoping that when I share this on Facebook I do this right, there are a couple of people who almost ruined Anastasia's baptism for us one of which is on my friends list and I don't care to hear from them until they call my husband and apologize.

So how exactly do you deal with relatives who live far away?  Anastasia's paternal grandmother lives almost 2000 miles away from us.  She was supposed to come for the baptism, but ran into travel issues and no showed us.  Very upsetting for us, especially my husband, who had gotten his hopes up that she would be there to see her grandchild for the first time.  I know finances played a partial role in this, and unfortunately with my non work situation we could not help.

The thing is we made the arrangements in April, actually the day I was released from the hospital about when she would be baptized, and then told her.  That was almost 5 months prior.  I can't help but be mad about it.

The worst thing about it, my biggest fear about having a child was knowing that this distance would affect us. We have yet to hear from her-it's been over 3 weeks.  We didn't even hear from her that she wasn't coming. (That is another story that I will not go into on here).

So are there any other mothers who have to deal with their childrens grandparents or even aunts and uncle living so far away?  How do you explain it to your children when they are disappointed by them.  I am lucky that Anastasia is only 6 months old and didn't really comprehend what happened.  But sooner or later I know another let down will come and she will be old enough to be as hurt (if not more) by the actions.

Thank you for your help, and also allowing me to vent without going into too many details!

Blessings to you all!

Musings of a mother of a colicky baby

Yup you've read right.  Ana has colic with a possible touch of reflux.  This was diagnosed last Monday when she started having a screaming fit at 12 pm and it didn't end until almost 8 or 9.  We went to the Dr to see if there was just anything else we could do for her.  The Doctor suggested getting a swing, which someone had already promised us....she loves it.  Then prescribed zantac, and suggested we get some gripe water for her to ease the gas. 

The past week has been a bit easier.  We have had a couple days when she just cries so much I want to break down myself.  I wish I could take all the pain she has on myself just so she can be the happy baby I know she is.  The episodes are getting shorter, but tonight's was quite intense.  We are told it goes away by the 4th month.  Thankfully the Dr doesn't think her prematurity should be an issue.  So we are nearing the end...and frankly it can't come soon enough.  I thank GOD that she won't remember this.  

Just so you all see this is our 3 month picture!

Blessings to you all